Beberapa bulan lalu,
masih terpatri dalam ingatan, kapan, dimana, bagaimana rasa sesak di dada menjadi kenyataan. How it broke me to the bones. Words turn to fight. Fight to pain. Pain to tears. Tears to...strength.
It is not only about the heartache, or the brokenheart, or the broken relationship. It is about the pain. Rasa yang sama ketika dulu saya kehilangan anjing peliharaan saya karena mati sakit. Sama, but it is more complicated.
I lost my focus. Smile turned into dark bags under the eyes. Laugh turned into scream and cry. Untuk beberapa orang, merasakan 'kehilangan' is not that simple. 'Drama' pengantar rasa 'kehilangan' tersebut, juga tidak mudah untuk dilalui. It is complicated.
People asked me how I walk through the pain. I told them, I am pretending to be fine. I am not okay. I am broken and I know it.
....but all I can do is, pretending to be fine. Faking smile, faking laugh,
and the real ones will follow.
Untuk yang sedang merasa sakit, one thing that I want to tell you; berpura-puralah menjadi kuat. Berpura-puralah menjadi baik-baik saja. It is normal to cry when you have none to talk to. I know it sucks. But still, keep smiling for a day. For the next day. And the next day....until the day which the 'real' fine comes.
I am here not to tell you that the one who breaks you is a coward. I am here not to give you a validation. I am here not not to listen to your story. I am here to tell you to be fine. I am here to tell you that your struggle with be worth it. I am here to tell you, I have been there.
What I want to tell you is, everything has its ups and downs. Sometime you are on the top of the world, but sometimes, you are the clown.
...and thats normal.
When the storm comes, please remember to pretend to be fine. Berpura-puralah tertawa. Berpura-puralah jika sakit yang kamu rasakan itu tidak nyata. Berpura-puralah tidak terjadi apa-apa. And the real ones will follow. Thats what I call healing..
..and adult-ing. :))
ps: udah, nangisnya cukup semalem aja. Sayang-sayang eyecreamnya, mahaaaal beb..
